The Art of Active Listening

Active listening seems so simple, but the truth is, for many it’s a difficult task. I have worked with some individuals who are exceptional listeners, but more often than not I find that many people don’t really listen. Instead they just hear.

At first, I thought that it was just because they liked to hear themselves speak. Ya know, those talkers who love the sound of their own voices so much that they can’t be bothered to listen cuz if they did it would require them to stop doing what they love, which is talk!!!!!

Then it hit me and I realized that there is a major distinction between LISTENING and HEARING.

When I am hearing, not listening, I’m focused on developing my response rather than listening and processing what’s being said. If I’m too busy thinking about getting my point across it is incredibly difficult to be an active listener.

Growing up, one of the most important things my parents taught me came straight from the Bible: “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” This passage speaks to the importance of listening to others rather than focusing on what you want to say. For me, it represents the power of active listening.

So, how can one become an Active Listener? It’s rather simple:

Margie’s 3 Simple Rules for Active Listening:

1) Practice the 3 L’s — Listen, Listen, Listen. If you know anything about real estate, you know the most important thing about buying property is “Location, Location, Location”. In my opinion, both personal and professional interactions have a similar mantra. Stop Talking and Just “Listen, Listen, Listen.” I don’t mean hear, hear, hear — I mean listen, listen, listen. The difference between hearing and listening is that when you only hear, hear, hear you’re actually just waiting to talk, talk, talk. If you truly want to be an active listener you must focus and listen to what the person is saying to you.

2) Ask yourself, what message is this person conveying to me? Listening means you don’t spend time formulating a response while someone is talking to you. Instead, you actively listen by absorbing and then processing everything that’s being said.

3) Repeat back what you think you heard. Say it in your own words; speak it out loud. People love to know that you truly understand what they are saying. That does not mean you agree, it means that you understand what is being said to you. If you recite back what you heard, the speaker will have the opportunity to correct you and check for understanding.

The art of active listening does not always come naturally to us. It takes time and practice. Automatic replies and rapid-fire responses are commonplace in our daily lives where digital communication is king. The next time a co-worker, friend or family member talks to you, test your active listening skills. Take time to reflect on what he or she is saying. It’s ok to have a pregnant pause. It is far more important for an individual to feel listened to rather than receive an immediate response. And don’t worry, after a nice session of active listening, you’ll have plenty of time to respond.